No More Hangaburgers!

Sometimes life rolls ya a series of events that while happening aren't so funny but when you near the end and the final culminating happenstance is brought to light...its funny!

That was a rather serious prologue to a story about hamburgers and my new found dislike for them. Which only means that I will eat them every other week instead of every other day.

See it all start with the chili chili cheese burger from Red Robbins I had a week and a half ago. I know what your thinking if I started with the chili chili cheese burger, how much worse could it get. well this is more of a quantity story then it is a flatulent one. Anyways, that was hamburger number one. (which even though this story isn't about that, hamburger number one didn't like me so much).

Then my friends from Cali show up during the week. Hooray, I thought being my naive self, rejoicing before I heard the news, yep dinner at Red Robbins the excitement dwindled but for the sake of my friends and now with prior knowledge of staying away from the chili chili cheese burger, I was in!

mmmm...how can you go wrong with a mushroom burger.. YOU CAN'T. but this is not a story of liking hamburgers so lets move on...that was only hamburger number two and I was thinking I like cows and fungi, put em' together with endless steak fries and that's a treat.

eww eww! I forgot my friends have an IN and OUT complex so inevitably every hangaburger must be rated, sized, compared, measured up and all other synonyms that fall into that category against the all mighty, pedastooled, godly double double (these opinions do not necessarily reflect the view of the author). So can anyone guess what the conversation was about at Red Robbins...that's right, you guessed it.. Cars. oh yeah and that hamburger thing I just mention. Burger number dwo(in french accent) down like china town!

The next day brought rain and a decision to continue the divine quest of finding the Holy Grail of burgers. You might be saying to yourself about now well why didn't she just refuse to go along to another place that only serves burgers. In my defense we were on a holy quest see, and silly little me being the optimist that I am assumed there would be holy hand grenades involved somewhere along the line. As the events of the night played out however to my bitter disappointment I was only given hangaburger number three. It was a garlic burger, maybe classified as a stink bomb but falls very short of the holy hand grenade tier of coolness I perceived was to be apart of the jovial night at cotton bottom. On that note a word to the wise a restaurant with a name like cotton bottom should be avoided at all costs. An establishment doesn't get a name like that for no reason.

By this time as you can imagine I was thinking hmm...I have had a lot of hamburgers, need a change!

The saga continues however unfortunately for all you poor souls that actually are reading this because hamburger number 4 happened. and the very next day no less. I was helping a completely unrelated friend and he offered to buy me lunch. I thought wow that's high class. I could do lunch. Pulling in to the Alberston's parking lot complexy thing. I assumed (see where assuming has gotten me in this story, NO WHERE) we were going to subway(his usual restaurant of choice) but no on this fateful day he chose Carl's Jr. It was fate..he had a coupon!...(you can't say no to the coupon, it makes the coupon gods unhappy) and thus I was trapped. Hamburger number 4 was a Kentucky bourbon burger, now wishing that
alcohol was actually part of the burger deal I was dropped off at home.

"Did you get something to eat?" queried my mother. With a down trodden face and stomach my explanatory diatribe ended with a firm declaration, No More Hamburgers.....mothers response. "I bought hamburgers for dinner tonight!!" obviously her conquest and victory over the meat department earlier that day had clouded her ability to listen and had made this statement much more exciting to her then to me. (side note) sometimes I think people don't listen when I talk but then I think harder and.....wait what was I talking about.... Oh well, fortunately my mother stricken with guilt because of her cruel sense of humor said she would fix me something else.

If only I had gotten to eat that something else....SIGH!

but Alas, Kerry had to drag me on her date...blah. dating that's enough to give you a stomach ache right there! So being the kind of friend that I am, like afore mentioned above. I went to Kerri's house to wait for the guys. And what do you do while waiting, tell stories! Mine was about hamburgers...mahahaha! which prompted Kerri to call her date and ask where we were headed for dinner. Only hearing one side of the conversation but using my super duper high faluting deductive skills (they were mail order). I deduced very deductively that hamburger number 5 was on its way...oh the humanity! Of course now that I think about it the maniacal laughing on Kerri's part was kind of a give away.

Five Guys Burgers and Fries.

I wonder if they have ever just gotten an order for a baked potato. Sigh..again! The whole prospect of eating another hamburger interfered with my reasoning capabilities and I ordered it, ( the word Hamburger will be replaced with this " and is now not to be mentioned from this point forward) with everything on it. UGGHhh! mustard does not like mushrooms and mushrooms are very belligerent to pickles. My thoughts at this point, " nervous break down.

And so it was with the new found disliking of hamburgers, woops "...........at least for a couple of weeks!

acknowledgements
crazy in N out fedishers
crazy Clark who uses coupons
crazy Kerri for her maniacal laughing
crazy me for spending time writing this

The End.